I hate those boogers that stay in your nose and tickle it.

I have been on a glorious vacation this week not doing anything. I finally understand how lazy people do what they do! During this week of all around sloth-ness, I had the opportunity to watch a lot of movies, the one movie that took the cake though was: The Final Destination. 

 Up until I saw this abomination unto God the worst movie I have witnessed was “The Happening”. Don’t get me wrong, “The Happening” is still a sign that the America is in worst decay than we thought. The Final Destination is more like one of the horsemen coming to take your first born. 

IMDB tells me that this is the last movie of a trilogy, how anyone gave money to these hacks is beyond me; I’m sure someone on the film crew must give an awesome “back massage”.  

 

Anyways on to the actual movie….

The storyline is that a bunch of rich snobby indie hipster douches with trust funds are supposed to die at a Nascar race but somehow survived. The grim reaper, being the cunning bastard that he is, decides to give these horny degenerates the “Z-snap” by killing them in the most inefficient ways possible. The young adults then run around for the next hour and try to escape death and attempt to act. We find out halfway through the movie that death has it out for our young heroes because the main character is dating a ginger. Yes my 4 readers you read that right, this movie has a filthy ginger as a main character, and someone is attracted to her! How am I supposed to relate to someone who looks different than me? 

Ok, IMDB give a different outlook, but believe it or not my description made the movie sound 10x more awesome then it actually was.

I found the movie to be quite racist to be honest with you. When you have someone die in a movie it's a known fact that it has to be the black man! It's an unwritten rule, just like “it's never lupus” from house. The movie teases us with this angry alcoholic black man (of course the minority has to be the one with problems), whose only goal in life is to be the first one killed on this particular movie, yet some white Cracker Jack dies first. Like 15 whities die first, I am personally offended.  

 

Every character dies at the end. Yes that's a spoiler but you'll thank me because I just saved you 10 bucks and 2 hours of your meaningless lives.  The moral of the story: Don't date gingers or you will die! 

 

Winter is God giving us the middle finger.

Wow blog post number 2! I'm buying a gift now because I have completed a personal hurdle by not being as lazy as I thought I was! 

If you ask anyone what their favorite season is 90% of them will say “summer”. 5% of people will say spring which blows my mind because if the seasons were human; spring would be the awkward teenager not knowing what kind of person he would be. Should he be the sexy hot summer, or the ugly and unlikable winter? 1% of people like the fall which again is weird because leaves are dying….it's the most “emo” holiday.  Now to you 4% who like the winter, honestly you're lying to yourselves, no one actually enjoys the winter time. You may enjoy the first snow blanket as it molests the beautiful green grass that is on my lawn, but by Valentine's Day not one person likes it. Winter and snow are God giving us the middle finger.

 (Pictured: Winter!) 

 

I can vouch that this is 100% true. When you're relaxing on the beach trying to be as tan and beautiful as me, has anyone said “Damn I wish there would be a blizzard right about now, I can't stand this nice weather!” of course they haven't. Nothing is fun about shoveling snow and your car not starting. Snowballs to the face have the same “fun value” as a peroxide enema. I find it cruel irony that we have Jesus's birthday in the season where he is telling us that he hates us. 

While these are all arguments to support my findings, the real reason why I hate the winter time? I cant walk around without pants. 

The I's in narcissistic are talking about me.

I know what your thinking, your thinking “Adam, why start a blog?” and that's a very good question, that I will dedicate the first post to answering! 

Now since I have a blog I guess I should have some sort of larger goal; some huge purpose that I can manage on a weekly basis by writing? Perhaps the purpose of this blog is to share personal daddy issues that everyone seems to have, or a place to vent some sort of pent up anger? Instead of getting angry and instigating the inevitable fistfight, an angry “Oh man, just wait till I get home to blog about this!” could suffice. Hey, another idea is to sit in my comfy chair and complain about deep social issues with America and life in general and feel better about myself for doing absolutely nothing but writing to the Internet about it. Nothing says I'm important like a false since of self worth! Or maybe I really am that self-absorbed and I honestly think that people care about my opinion (SPOILER ALERT: They don't).

The answer to all these questions is a big resounding NO! I'm writing because I really am that bored.