Baby Adventure 2011!

One year and one week ago we celebrated baby adventure 2010. This time we have the sequel; "baby adventure 2011". The circumstances are a bit different this time so this will be part one of a series, it also means that a lot of details will be left out for the time being.

Unfortunately I was not there for the actual birth of this one. In fact none of us were really ready. My little sister had some pains, went to the hospital because her back hurt and one hour later without any drugs, shot out a little present from God. Yes thats right, she had her second child at 19 without any drugs or painkillers and all alone. Instead of my brother Nathan being here for all the commotion my sister Rachel decided she would be my wingman.

Even though my sister is not a burn victim she went to St. Joe hospital to have her next son. There is something off about that hospital. Everything seems so sad and depressing there. Before you ask, I actually enjoy being inside hospitals and even I thought something was weird. Its a Lutheran owned catholic hospital, which makes my head hurt just thinking about it. The place feels like even God himself would not visit the place, as it is too depressing.

So enough about that, here are the pictures.

Im not sure which is worse: black trash or white trash.

I recently had the opportunity to attend a "job fair" here in the great city of Fort Wayne. I have never been to a job fair so maybe my expectations were a bit off. In my head a job fair is a neat place where employees have the chance to meet multiple employers and it gives the chance for an employer to interview a large number of candidates. Boy was I wrong...

Job fairs attract the worst kind of people: poor people. I felt like I was in new jersey the entire time I was there. One thing I have noticed after working inside a mall is that gross people get a raging hard-on at the thought of meeting a lot of employers and not having to do much legwork. This happens to be the same with job fairs. I have had the opportunity to interview people and I am going to be honest... if 90 percent of the people that I saw today came in to me for an interview I would tear up their resume (if they even had one) and tell them to leave.

I can understand that some people are in fact ugly and poor. That does not mean you should come smelling like dead puppies.

So anyways, I get to this place and there is a line about 30 people long all smelling gross and looking terrible. Some were obviously cracked out on meth. We all waited in a single file line for our turn to be drilled with questions. It looked like pigs being led to the slaughter house. So they bring us in like 4 at a time and start asking us all questions. I would have never guessed people would have the balls to swear during an interview.

When I see these reports about unemployment being at an all time high I honestly thought man there are not many jobs to go around. While that is true for some people, the majority of these people who are unemployed are like that because they write poor resume's or they interview terribly. The best part about it is that when they tank these interviews they just assume that foreigners took their jobs or that the employer is racist. If any thing you have a better chance of employment if your black. (affirmative action skeet skeet!)

I guess what I am trying to say is that when you fill out an application always say your black. Yes, it works for college applications too. Me on the other hand, I always have to choose the "other" box...

It's his party and he will cry if he wants to.

Today is a very special day everyone. This is the 1 year anniversary of "baby adventure 2010" (the sequel "baby adventure 2011" is coming at the beginning of next month). Yes, your math is right, it is the one year anniversary of the day my nephew was born.

I promised myself I would never be "that guy". You know the one who wont shut up about their kids. I promised myself because 1). He is not my son. 2). No one cares. Since I am a cocky devil I realized that yes people care about my nephew. No that does not mean that anyone wants to see your baby's first poo on Facebook.

Luckly I was able to shoot a couple of pictures of the party and some videos...

 

  

 

It was hard to get a good video because he was constantly surrounded by little girls. For some reason girls under the age of 13 have a weird obsession with babies. Now that I think about it, all girls have a weird obsession with babies. One of the young girls asked if she could stuff cake in JaRons mouth since "he was not eating it right". 

It seems just like yesterday we were all at the hospital, shocked that black babies come out white. 

Yes, my farts do smell amazing.

Being in the festive spirit, I have decided to talk about valentines day as my topic. Specifically how it is the worst holiday ever. "Adam you must hate valentines day because no one loves you" your probably thinking. Believe it or not people do like me, I am also betting that more people like me then they will ever like you, but thats a different whale altogether. I don't like valentines day because it is a pointless holiday. Yes, its more worthless than Kwanzaa. What do we even celebrate? Being in love is a gift on its own, why would we need a holiday for that? Its a huge "I am in a relationship" circle jerk. Its the equivalent of eating at golden corral in celebration that your overweight. Its also about getting bad gifts.

Now, I know your thinking that you get more at Christmas time but that is not really the case. When you are in grade school does everyone exchange Christmas gifts? No. Everyone does however give valentines to every other child in the class. When we grow older the worse it becomes. If I get my significant other a bad Christmas gift she can't complain because after all "its all about giving than receiving" or "its Jesus' birthday why should you get his presents".

Do you like taking presents from Jesus?

With valentines day if I give a bad gift it is because I don't love someone hard enough. That or I didn't listen to all the suggestions that people offered me. PROTIP: If I can't remember when my own birthday is how do you expect me to know what crappy dvd you want? Everyone has the same gift giving technique too, it consists of "they better spend more money on me than I did on them."

Another problem I have with this holiday is somehow there seems to be more chocolate on valentines day then on easter. This becomes a problem when everyone has chocolate breath. Here is a fun tip, no one wants to kiss you when your mouth is brown from chocolate. Aborting normal foods by dipping them in chocolate is unacceptable. It takes a sick person to take something beautiful and healthy like a strawberry and then drowning it in a sea of brown filth.

So when you off enjoying the rest of your valentines day make sure you realize... you could be saving money by dumping your significant other.

Happy Valentines day.