Being in the festive spirit, I have decided to talk about valentines day as my topic. Specifically how it is the worst holiday ever. "Adam you must hate valentines day because no one loves you" your probably thinking. Believe it or not people do like me, I am also betting that more people like me then they will ever like you, but thats a different whale altogether. I don't like valentines day because it is a pointless holiday. Yes, its more worthless than Kwanzaa. What do we even celebrate? Being in love is a gift on its own, why would we need a holiday for that? Its a huge "I am in a relationship" circle jerk. Its the equivalent of eating at golden corral in celebration that your overweight. Its also about getting bad gifts.
Now, I know your thinking that you get more at Christmas time but that is not really the case. When you are in grade school does everyone exchange Christmas gifts? No. Everyone does however give valentines to every other child in the class. When we grow older the worse it becomes. If I get my significant other a bad Christmas gift she can't complain because after all "its all about giving than receiving" or "its Jesus' birthday why should you get his presents".
Do you like taking presents from Jesus?
With valentines day if I give a bad gift it is because I don't love someone hard enough. That or I didn't listen to all the suggestions that people offered me. PROTIP: If I can't remember when my own birthday is how do you expect me to know what crappy dvd you want? Everyone has the same gift giving technique too, it consists of "they better spend more money on me than I did on them."
Another problem I have with this holiday is somehow there seems to be more chocolate on valentines day then on easter. This becomes a problem when everyone has chocolate breath. Here is a fun tip, no one wants to kiss you when your mouth is brown from chocolate. Aborting normal foods by dipping them in chocolate is unacceptable. It takes a sick person to take something beautiful and healthy like a strawberry and then drowning it in a sea of brown filth.
So when you off enjoying the rest of your valentines day make sure you realize... you could be saving money by dumping your significant other.
Happy Valentines day.
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