Toe nails are really annoying take care of.

Now anyone who knows me knows that I have little or no

respect for women, they also know that I am a complete

judgemental snob. So, for this blog post I have decided to

combine my two personality flaws to share some advice with

you in what I creatively call: Top 5 ways to tell if your a dirty

woman.

1.)Blond roots.

There are two surefire ways to tell if a woman is compete

trailer trash; she is dating her cousin, she has really bad

blond roots.

(someone I can bring home to mom and dad)

Blond roots are caused by lice eating away at the Clorox

bleach you used to abort your hair, or you couldn't find enough

cans around town to recycle to buy a new gallon of Comet

powder.

2.)Back Boobs.

Before women turned into heartless gold diggers, they were

bratty little girls who dreamed of getting their first bra.

Unfortunately as the girls grew up they decided that a new bra

was not necessary. Somehow the thought killing two birds with

one stone and using the bra as a girdle was a fantastic idea!

(surprise surprise: its a ginger!)

In theory hugging a woman and fondling boobs at the same

time is a great idea, but in practice its more like drinking anti

-freeze because it looks just like kool-aid.

3.)You don't know who your baby daddy is.

Now sure Susy Slutskins is a nice person, but there comes a

time when being nice to 16 guys in a row every Friday is

pushing it. These were the girls in middle school who mixed all

the soda flavors together. 90% of these respectable women

think its perfectly acceptable to try and pull the sympathy

card, and we should feel sorry that her baby is such a

"buzz kill"

4.)Muffin tops.

Oh Fergie, ever since her man jaw decided to sing "my

humps" fat women everywhere decided that love handles

constituted as "lovely lady lumps". SPOILER ALERT: They don't.

(yes I know the top is cute, but unfortunately its not cute on you)

Luckily I've devised a helpful algorithm to help:

love handle+1in.=10(chance you will vomit+likely hood that she

fantasizes about doing nasty things to a fried chicken wing)

5.)Flower necklace around rear view mirror.

Now this one is one is obviously up for debate. There was a

point in time that Hawaiian necklaces in a car was a surefire way

to tell if a petite blond or a cheerleader was also in the car.

Unfortunately someone alerted the white trash and the ugly

people to this fact because slowly but surely they have been

using them and confusing poor male drivers. It's almost turned

into a sirens call, leading young sailors to a poor, ugly, pizza

face tramp.

(it's OK, it has a great personality)

There you have it, there are many many other ways to spot a

dirty woman, but hopefully this will set you on the right path.