I hate farting after I get out of the shower because I feel all dirty again.

I was with my neighbor the other day and we started to watch the most peculiar show called "The Dr's". Its basically 5 Doctors all standing around in a big circle jerk saying "Oh wow you have a PHD? Guess what, I do to!" Since the all great Peoples Court was not on, that and we couldn't find the remote we decided to go ahead and just watch it. The episode I witnessed was an episode about the dangers of teen sex. To clarify their point they had about 15 young girls come up, all wearing cheap mascara so it would run when they cried, and had them tell their "horror stories" of teenage sex. This consisted of each one coming up and talking about how they somehow had no choice but to have sex with their boyfriends, like some-sort of testosterone voodoo was placed on these young tramps and they had no power to resist the wiener. After these future Hoosiers shared their stories one doctor looked out in horror, turned to the camera and said "I blame the internet".

Now, I'm not going to go into a rant about how our culture shifts the blame away from parental responsibility. Instead, I'm going to go the opposite direction and blame it on the real evil. In all my years I have seen people blame the moral decay of America on many things, but after some investigation I have discovered a shocking truth:


Books are to blame.


Ever since the printing press was invented, America, no, the whole world, has been riding on the highway that leads to apocalypse. How awesome were things before Gutenberg was possessed by the devil and created printing press? Believe it or not the printing press was a way to spread pickpocketing instructions to the gypsy's, then through gypsy magic the idea caught on. All the great evil in this world was caused by books. Did you know that Hitler wrote a book?! Did he use television radio or video games? The answer is he did not, which means that there is no logical way that T.V., The Internet, or even rock music are more evil than books!

If your familiar with American Idol you remember a contestant named Fantasia. Fantasia was special because she fought the system and refused to learn how to read, in return she was rewarded with winning American Idol. After she learned how to read however, she slipped into obscurity. Coincidence? I think not! Lets also take a look at the famous R. Kelly, Like Fantasia he also decided to excel in life by not being bound to the chains of books, he then became a superstar. Later on he learned how to read and do you know where that got him? He started pissing on underage girls, that's what! That's right blog fans, Reading too much causes you to pee on underage girls, all the evidence is there.

Lets also not forget about the church of evil: The library. It always makes me furious that some of my tax money has to go to a library. If I were in charge I would just make it so all of our money goes to rewarding our congressmen and woman for their fabulous work. Times are hard for them, we already give them free health care and they don't have to buy stamps, I don't think that's enough! But I digress.... People tell me "Adam books are great for sharing a wealth of information!" and to that I respond with a simple question, if they are so great at sharing information why can we not talk in library s? I will tell you why, they don't want the truth coming out that's why! Library's are more like prison camps if you ask me, George Orwell must be rolling in his grave right now....

You also might be asking if I feel this way why am I writing a blog? I'm fighting the system from the inside, I am basically a modern day Che Guevara, except I'm not a corporate advertising tool and featured on Gap T-shirts.

In conclusion, parents, the media, and everyone else are wrong when it comes to shifting the blame when a traumatic event happens. They need to blame it on the original source: Books.